i've realized a lot.
some of these would be:
-i really don't have a ton of friends. there's dalavalaki, annie, grace, gina, but thats about it.
-i really love this guy but i can't trust him for the life of me and it's killing me.
-i'm excited to start a new chapter of my life at college. i can be who ever i want to be.
-i'm nervous and excited about germany. more excited but still kinda nervous.
-i wish i had something to do all summer. i get bored tanning for hours.
-nobody really loves me. they say they do but i don't feel it. i feel awfully alone.
-i blog way too much. it's become a great way for me to express myself, saying i am a writer and hope to be a better one.
-i listen to a ton of music. right now, my mp3 is on shuffle nonstop. i cant live without it right now.
-i'm a jealous person. i think everyone has those days where you're just jealous of everyone else. but there are days i just envy people to an extreme extent.
-i feel bad for cara, mady, hannah, leah, alexis, joel, collin, and aaden. jon and kate have taken control of their lives and put them on display for millions of people.
-i wish i was a little bit taller.
-i'm comfortable with my body, i dont need to be thinner, have huge boobs, have a plastic smile and great abs to be happy.
-people are mean. i understand jk-ing, but sometimes it goes too far and isn't really joking.
-AIM is an obsession. nobody ims me and yet i sit on it forever.
-i'm trying to figure out what happy is and how to achieve it. do i need money? love? god? who knows. i'll let you know when i find the meaning of life. k?
and last but not least, i have come to realize that life isn't perfect. there are ups and downs but that's what keeps you going, that's what keeps you trying, keeps you getting back up and trying again, keeps you from getting bored with life and giving it all up. i believe life is worth it and not worth giving up hope when you seem to be at the bottom of a pit. just keep digging, you'll eventually get to china.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Pogo.com(TM) Games Online
 | I love to play Mahjong Garden Play online games like this classic tile matching puzzle game with mystical Chinese themes. | ||
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Sunday, June 28, 2009
superman
"i can't stand to fly, i'm not that naive, i'm just out to find, the better part of me." (five for fighting)
for everything, there's an opposite but equal reaction.
basic science 101
it counts for everything in life
and its because of this:
"What's the problem I don't know. Well maybe I'm in love. Think about it every time I think about it. Can't stop thinking 'bout it. How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love. Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love." (counting crows)
im afraid of falling
im happy right now
and im afraid it might not last
is this the way most people feel?
or is it just me?
maybe its that i think way to damn much into things
i should just be happy and look at life positively
but I'm so pessimistic.
i never look at the bright side
no matter how hard i try to
"Man there's so many times. I don't know what I’m doin'. Like I don't know now..." (rob thomas)
music speaks. i just wish it told me the answers.....
for everything, there's an opposite but equal reaction.
basic science 101
it counts for everything in life
and its because of this:
"What's the problem I don't know. Well maybe I'm in love. Think about it every time I think about it. Can't stop thinking 'bout it. How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love. Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love." (counting crows)
im afraid of falling
im happy right now
and im afraid it might not last
is this the way most people feel?
or is it just me?
maybe its that i think way to damn much into things
i should just be happy and look at life positively
but I'm so pessimistic.
i never look at the bright side
no matter how hard i try to
"Man there's so many times. I don't know what I’m doin'. Like I don't know now..." (rob thomas)
music speaks. i just wish it told me the answers.....
Saturday, June 27, 2009
music
music is my life
i know a lot of people say that
but i like to think of myself as one with music
it takes me away
makes me feel happy, sad, etc.
right now im in a rob thomas/matchbox 2o mood
i so love his songs
his voice is soothing
it makes me feel better no matter how bad im feeling
and no matter how good rob thomas makes me feel
i still have a decision to make
its so complicated
i need to sleep on it before i start blogging it. lol
so more tomorrow after working 8 hours.
text me please!!
i know a lot of people say that
but i like to think of myself as one with music
it takes me away
makes me feel happy, sad, etc.
right now im in a rob thomas/matchbox 2o mood
i so love his songs
his voice is soothing
it makes me feel better no matter how bad im feeling
and no matter how good rob thomas makes me feel
i still have a decision to make
its so complicated
i need to sleep on it before i start blogging it. lol
so more tomorrow after working 8 hours.
text me please!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
crush?
"Why do I keep running from the truth,
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized,
And I just got to know
Do you ever think, when you’re all alone,
All that we can be, where this thing can go,
Am I crazy or falling in love,
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you,
Are you holding back, like the way I do,
Cause I’m tryin’, tryin’ to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin’ away"
he's always on my mind. he doesn't go away
i try sooo hard to try to get over him but it hasn't happened
maybe it's because everytime i think i get him out of my system, he walks back into my life
it's just so hard.
i don't know what i want anymore.
and they way we go hot and cold so fast, it's bothersome
one minute we're close
and the next we're ignoring each other
i dont know what to even think of it
what are we?
i still don't know
it's sooo complex and i just wish it was simple.
that the answer would be there black and white
nothing complicated.
nothing difficult.
and yet that hasnt happened
and here i am blogging again about it
i just wish that someone would tell me what to do
the best person would definately be him
but im not sure if he really knows how much i hate being ignored
=/
life is hard, if it was easy it'd be called something else
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized,
And I just got to know
Do you ever think, when you’re all alone,
All that we can be, where this thing can go,
Am I crazy or falling in love,
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you,
Are you holding back, like the way I do,
Cause I’m tryin’, tryin’ to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin’ away"
he's always on my mind. he doesn't go away
i try sooo hard to try to get over him but it hasn't happened
maybe it's because everytime i think i get him out of my system, he walks back into my life
it's just so hard.
i don't know what i want anymore.
and they way we go hot and cold so fast, it's bothersome
one minute we're close
and the next we're ignoring each other
i dont know what to even think of it
what are we?
i still don't know
it's sooo complex and i just wish it was simple.
that the answer would be there black and white
nothing complicated.
nothing difficult.
and yet that hasnt happened
and here i am blogging again about it
i just wish that someone would tell me what to do
the best person would definately be him
but im not sure if he really knows how much i hate being ignored
=/
life is hard, if it was easy it'd be called something else
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
to love or not to love is the question
if i tell him that i love him, will it get thrown in my face?
is that what this world is anymore?
you say how you feel and then you get it thrown in your face and realize that you never should have showed your feelings.
tell me how messed up that is.
but for my situation, he wants me to say it.
why can't he say it?
and why do i HAVE to say the L word?
how many times a day do you hear people just going, "oh i love you!" and they only met moments before.
kinda weird.
i'm the kind of girl who has never said i love you to a guy.
i say it to my friends all the time, because i love them like sisters
but i think when you fall in love, its different.
maybe it'll change my life.
maybe it won't
but i don't want to get it thrown in my face for showing weakness AKA emotion
HOW DARE I!!!!
am i supposed to be emotionless?
i'm not a robot.
i have feelings
and i dont want to get hurt
but i guess you can't get hurt if you never take the chance
my friend Lyssy said, "is he worth the wait and heartache"
and i said, "but if i don't take the chance, will i regret it?"
that's the way you should look at life
you'll miss 100% of the shots you never take
and if it doesn't work, you always walk away a stronger person.
so take the chance
=)
is that what this world is anymore?
you say how you feel and then you get it thrown in your face and realize that you never should have showed your feelings.
tell me how messed up that is.
but for my situation, he wants me to say it.
why can't he say it?
and why do i HAVE to say the L word?
how many times a day do you hear people just going, "oh i love you!" and they only met moments before.
kinda weird.
i'm the kind of girl who has never said i love you to a guy.
i say it to my friends all the time, because i love them like sisters
but i think when you fall in love, its different.
maybe it'll change my life.
maybe it won't
but i don't want to get it thrown in my face for showing weakness AKA emotion
HOW DARE I!!!!
am i supposed to be emotionless?
i'm not a robot.
i have feelings
and i dont want to get hurt
but i guess you can't get hurt if you never take the chance
my friend Lyssy said, "is he worth the wait and heartache"
and i said, "but if i don't take the chance, will i regret it?"
that's the way you should look at life
you'll miss 100% of the shots you never take
and if it doesn't work, you always walk away a stronger person.
so take the chance
=)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
love
what is love?
everyone tells me i'll know when it happens.
apparently it hasn't happened yet, because i still don't know what it is.
and i won't just tell someone i love them
i want to know it's real before i say that
people just throw around that word.
no one really knows what it means anymore.
they just say it to make the other person happy.
i don't think that's right.
maybe i'm old fashioned in that thinking.
how dare i not want to say the L word without feeling it first.
oh well.
i just want to be loved for who i am and not be forced to say stuff i dont want to
everyone tells me i'll know when it happens.
apparently it hasn't happened yet, because i still don't know what it is.
and i won't just tell someone i love them
i want to know it's real before i say that
people just throw around that word.
no one really knows what it means anymore.
they just say it to make the other person happy.
i don't think that's right.
maybe i'm old fashioned in that thinking.
how dare i not want to say the L word without feeling it first.
oh well.
i just want to be loved for who i am and not be forced to say stuff i dont want to
Sunday, June 14, 2009
oh man
what a week coming up
this weekend was okay. worked all weekend so nothing new
SUNDAY: work 9am-5:30 and pack
MONDAY: 8am- be at KU for overnighter
TUESDAY: KU til 5pm
WEDNESDAY: All Kids Can Walk in Trexlertown at 4
THURSDAY: work 5pm-10
FRIDAY: work 5pm-10
SATURDAY: work 9am-2
nothing planned on tuesday night, wednesday morning, thursday and friday day, or saturday night. seems i have a ton of free time. lol.
nothing to do for now. kinda bored. maybe i'll finish packing. never know. lol
this weekend was okay. worked all weekend so nothing new
SUNDAY: work 9am-5:30 and pack
MONDAY: 8am- be at KU for overnighter
TUESDAY: KU til 5pm
WEDNESDAY: All Kids Can Walk in Trexlertown at 4
THURSDAY: work 5pm-10
FRIDAY: work 5pm-10
SATURDAY: work 9am-2
nothing planned on tuesday night, wednesday morning, thursday and friday day, or saturday night. seems i have a ton of free time. lol.
nothing to do for now. kinda bored. maybe i'll finish packing. never know. lol
Friday, June 12, 2009
beat that!!!
well today was effing awesome!!! first i slept in. then i was hanging with graceee which of course was crazy fun. then i ate, helped my mother with yard sale and finally, WATCHED THE PENGUINS WIN THE STANLEY CUP!!! talk about amazingggg. oh man. i dont think today could have gotten much better!! anywayyyy that was my awesome day. tomorrow should be not so good. i got to get up early to help with the yard sale and then i work 2-9. joy. texttt meee!!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
i know what YOU did last night
well last night i was with lyssy. we chilled, talked, made another blog, were being idiots, etc, etc. then today we woke up, ate, took showers, went shopping, then took a nap. talk about lazy. lol. then work again. lol at least it was pay day yay. and now i;m bored. i need more friends or friends that stay up lol. more later!!!
life im general
well life seems to have flown by again. in three weeks, i've changed a lot. i'm now officially a senior at Fleetwood, and also a freshman at KU. pretty awesome. i've lost some friends, gained some, found a new person to lean on, and realized that life takes a lot of unexpected turns. i know i keep losing friends, but i don't know why. it's not like i ignore them, it's more of, i pissed them off once and now they refuse to look at me. i believe i have grown up enough to realize they are not worth the stress. why do i care so much what people always think of me? they're still going to think of me as they will.
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