a mixture of five

Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want another lover at my door
It's just another heartache on my list
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting on you?
Must I always be playing your fool?
After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows youre wondering
If Im ok
That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is



purple-better than me-hinder
red-lonely no more-rob thomas
blue-sitting, waiting, wishing-jack johnson
orange-time after time-cyndi lauper
black-the way it is-bruce hornsby

my spin on the all american rejects

Damn BOY
Dry your eyes
You stole my heart and then you kicked it aside
No BOY
You can't see
When YOU'RE inside HER know there's no room for me

And I used to think that I was all you would need
And there you go again
Oooh you think that you could just push me around
Yeah and there you go again
You lift me up and then you throw me back down


much better now =)

germanyyyy

here in germany. just been chilling. it's kinda boring but relaxing. i needed a break from PA for sure. there's just so much crap going on there, it makes me sooo frustrated. thank god i'm starting college soon after i get back so i don't have to deal with all this drama and ugh it just, it makes me so mad. anyway i don't know what else to blog. i wish my mp3 player would charge already so i can tune out the world with music. alright ta ta for now!

germany

leaving for germany tonight. happy to leave all the drama in pennsylvania behind. i just wish all this drama would go away and it would just be fine, but i know now that it will never happen and it's not worth my time aka he's not worth my time. i am not happy sitting here waiting for him to come around. it's a waste of my life. nothing will ever come out of it and it will just piss me off more. maybe if he would realize that he always ends up hurting me. it doesnt matter what he tries to say to fix it, it never helps. and here i am, in the same damn spot as always. nothing is going to change so i'm moving on. changing my life. becoming who i am meant to be. whoever i may really be. i guess we'll find out how that goes. anyway. germany in 6 hours. haha. i will miss blogging for two weeks but when i get back, there will be a huge blog. ha. alright need to finish last minute stuff. byeeeee

maybe i'm amazed

"Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you......" -Paul McCartney

i can't believe i go from being so happy-go-lucky to being super upset to being so confused i feel like crying.
i know i love him
but i dont know how to trust him
i feel so happy when i'm with him
but i feel vulnerable when i'm not
i want to open up and just give him my heart
but i don't want it crushed.
i just wish it was simple.
which nothing is.
why can't it be is beyond me.
oh i just wish i knew what to do
=/

this is my life

Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like
why would you sleep on the floor?
Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for?
yeah
Who is your last text from?
the boy =)
Which movie did you last see in theaters?
public enemies!
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes i would and i want to
Are you crushing on someone?
its more than a crush
If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
no
Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?
nope but i wouldnt mind that
Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
maybe
Who's thinking about you right now?
dont know
Do you like to cuddle?
yepp
Are you keeping a secret right now?
kinda?
Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?
boy
What is your current annoyance?
this question
What do you want to do for a future career?
teacher
What do you current hear at the moment?
queen
Are you easily scared by horror movies?
eh sometimes
Do you know anyone who's been in jail?
nah
Does someone like you right now?
yep yep
Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriend/girlfriends?
i try not to be
Are you a risk taker?
depends
Are you anyone's first love?
idk
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
spring
What was your worst mistake in your life?
i don;t know yet.
What's something you really want right now, be honest!
him with me =)
Have you ever woken up next to someone and were freaked out?
hahaha no
Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter A?
nope
Are you looking forward to anything?
Germany on wednesday!!
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
my boy
Plans for tomorrow?
sleep, work, see harry potter
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
duhhh
Is the last person you hugged older than you?
yeahh
Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
maybe?
Have you ever cried during a movie?
yes
Are you comfortable with your height?
some days, others, i wish i was a little bit taller
Whats your favorite thing to eat?
food usually
Last text received?
"=)"
What is sitting next to you?
my phone
Do you have a bad temper?
i dont think so
Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
nope
Are you easily amused?
depends
Do you miss someone?
YES
Who was your last received call from?
dont know lol
Are you doing anything tonight?
nah its 10:30
Do you speak more than 6 languages?
who does?
Who else is in the room with you?
no oneeee
Do you think you will be married in 5 years?
maybe? we'll see
Do you watch MTV anymore?
not really
How do you feel about your hair?
it looks really good today
Do you sleep with a fan on?
nope
What is bothering you?
life in general lol

survey timee!!

decided to start doing my surveys on here now....

1. Where is your best friend right now? australia! best friend is in australia =(
2. Do you have dinner at a certain time every evening? haha what's dinner?
3. Would you ever work in a slaughter house? no
4. Who makes you the happiest? music and the guy i love
5. Is it just me, or does it seem like nowhere is hiring? seems it. thank god i have a job
6. Are you for gay rights? def
7. What did you do yesterday? was in dc all day with the family
8. Are there lots of teenagers in your town that are pregnant? in my town? not really
9. What's the next exciting thing that will happen in your life? dunno
10. Who is the first name in your contacts list in your phone? AIM
11. Did you know Bret Michaels and Pamela Anderson made a porno? no and i really didnt need to know that
12. Who is your favorite of the 3 chipmunks? idk lol
13. Do you watch Big Brother? nope
14. Is there anyone in your family you just can't stand? yes
15. Do you watch the Secret Life? yep yep
16. Would you look good with blonde hair? haha like a dark blonde sure but not bleach
17. What is the last movie you saw in theaters? public enemies!
18. Are you sick right now? nooo
19. Do you have your own room? yep
20. Can you describe the shirt your wearing? gray tee and green capris
21 Have you been kissed by someone who' s name starts with a J? yep
22 Have you ever regretted letting someone go? idk not really
23 Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes
24 Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you? yeahhh. he means the world to me
25 What's the last thing that bothered you? when people can't spell
26 Did you run anywhere today? nope
27 Have you ever had pink eye? yes but a long time ago
28 What was the last song you listened to? you and me by lifehouse
29 How was your day overall? okayy i guess
30 Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a Q? i dont know anyone whose name starts with a Q so no
31 When was the last time you drank alcoholic substances? don't remember. a while ago
32 Will tomorrow be better then today? i'm hoping so
33 Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? yeah i do. it was over a year ago. lol
34 What's something you're excited for? GERMANY!!
35 Who were you with last night? the family, d, j, mom, dad, chloe
36 Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? probably
37 Do you know anyone who doesn't smoke pot? duh
38 Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? i hope so
39 Has a guy other than family sat on your bed before? maybe?
40 Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? i hope he did
41 Are you listening to music? yeahhh
42 Think you will be in a relationship three months from now? maybe
43 Are you sober? duhh
44 Are you happier now or five months ago? now i think
45 What are you currently hearing right now? matchbox 20
46 Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap? yeah
47 Do you think someone is thinking of you right now? i hope so
48 Who do you want to be your next kiss? my boy =)
49 Do you think you've ruined your chances with someone? i hope not
49 What was the most memorable thing that happened last summer? last summer, a lot happened, i cahnged a ton last summer
50 Are you a forgiving person? yeahh i am
51 Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight? dunno
52 Do you think that you have made a difference in someone's life? hope i have
53 Do you think you’re a good friend? i try to be
54 Who was the last person you got into a big argument with? no clue
55. where is the person who has your heart? his house
56 Ever kissed someone who's name starts with an "A" or "S"? no actually
57 When's the last time you said you were okay, but really weren't? i dont remember
58 When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? haha thats an everyday thing
59 What did you do today? be lazy, slept til 11:30 then went swimming and tanning and now im online and i work at 5
60 The last person you kissed is? my boy
61 One fact about that person? he's my everything
62 Where were you half an hour ago? here
63 Anything you're giving up on? eh not at the moment
64 Are you one of those people who are always cold? yes
65 Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris? paris
66 Is anyone annoying you? not at the moment
67 What is the last drink you drank? water
68 Do you drink beer? nope
69 What is in your pocket? nothing
70 Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? dont remember
71 What DVD is in your DVD player? not sure
72 What's something fun you did today? slept lol
73 Do you like pickles? yep
74 How about olives ? yes
75 What is a compliment you receive way too often? i dont get compliments often
76 What is your favorite song at the moment? oh god, idk, lol, i have wayyy too many
77 What song do you HATE? anything twangy country
78 Do you smoke crack everyday? well of course, psh, yeah right
79 Have you ever cried so much you threw up? dont think so
80 Do you ever use words like stoked, souped or sick? not really
81 What is your current mood? alright
82What's your favorite smell? anything good
83 If a blind woman/man started hitting on you, what would you do? probably laugh, why would blind people hit on a stranger they can't even see???

i can see paradise by the dashboard light

Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cookergoing here, two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up andthere it is, a line shot up the middle, lookat him go. This boy can really fly!He's rounding first and really turning it onnow, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center,and here comes the throw, and what a throw! He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out! No, wait, safe--safe at second base, this kid really makes things happen out there. Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch--he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt--safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base! He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher glances over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on! Here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close, here's the throw, there's the play at the plate,holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!

STOP RIGHT THERE!

I gotta know right now.
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
And will you love me forever? (Meat Loaf-Paradise by the Dashboard Light)

I gotta know right now
Do you love me???
Will you love me forever?